Martial Farts

Can you guess what this post is about from the cryptic title?

What’s that? I forgot to go with the cryptic title? Damn.

Reversal represent.

Anyway, I did.

It all started in a country a long, long way away, in a blog post that should have happened but never did…

When I went to Tokyo to meet my heroes, the guys behind BJJ SPIRITS magazine, the producer was kind enough to give me a tour of Jimbocho, which is the publishing district of Tokyo. He took me to the offices of GONGKAKU, Japan’s numero uno ichiban MMA magazine. I exchanged pleasantries with the shaven-headed, cauliflower eared, boulder-shouldered main editor dude and told them I was ready, willing and able to contribute from the UK.

Months later, the offer finally comes. Interview Roger Gracie about the upcoming ADCC please.

After backflipping through the wall (costly) and headbutting an anteater (messy), I started trying to get hold of the low-profile world champ. It proved more difficult than expected. Ollie Geddes, frontman at the Roger Gracie Academy in London, informed me that Roger had been terribly sick and that, combined with the joy of a new child, had kept him away from official duties for a while.

Nuts, talk about bad timing. I grovelled to my friend Hobo’s instructor–who runs a branch for Roger in London (Mill Hill Combat and Conditioning, new full time centre opening soon!), who was super helpful in trying to set the interview up.

But no luck.

The deadline for the magazine was fast approaching, then upon me, then it lay in my rear view mirror, twitching and reeking of missed opportunities like a piece of roadkill. That had just farted. That was on its way to a party of awesomeness. Before it got squished. And now it’s dead.

Despondent, I sat wondering if I would ever be an internationally published MMA journalist, like I said I was already on my CV.

Then, late one night, I get a text message from Hobo’s insctructor.

“Expect a call from Roger tomorrow.”

Gnarb!

I slept about as well as someone who has just injected a can of Red Bull directly into his eyeballs, and waited for the call the next day.

Change of plans: I was given Roger’s mobile number and told he was expecting my call.

Roger was very friendly on the phone and apologised for being so hard to get hold of. Of course, I understood. He had been very sick… I won’t go into the details but let’s say they were  both gruesome and hilarious.

We tentatively set the interview for the following day, and I emailed Japan. Our last exchange had been me telling them I couldn’t do the interview, and them telling me to ritually disembowel myself via email for dishonouring them so greatly, which kind of sucked.

Another injected-can-of-Red Bull-sleep later, the reply came from Japan… There was still time!

Now, to call Roger. No answer at 9a.m. No answer at 10a.m.

Now, a decision. Do I go to London (expensive) on the hope that he will come to the interview? Do I wait at home to confirm with him first? But then it would be too late… it takes hours to get to London.

I decided just to go for it, and jumped on a train. I texted the World BJJ Black Belt Heavyweight and Openweight champion while sitting on the train munching a packet of Skips. Still no response.

I lugged my laden bag through the stinky London underground to Ladbroke Grove, Roger’s HQ. Still no response. Smiling nervously at passer’s by and wondering if I had made the right decision, I found myself outside the academy with my phone in my hand.

At that moment, I get a text from Roger.

“Hi Matt, sorry. I can’t…”

NOOOOOOOO!

“… be at the academy now. I’ll be there in an hour.”

YSSSSSSSSSSS! Mega fistpump nucleo-blast!

Next problem? Getting in the academy. Everything seemed to be in working order. There was the door, closed. There was my hand, ready to grasp the doorknob and go in. Only problem was, no doorknob. Just a mass of greasy metal things and holes.

I knocked in a bemused way and Ollie Geddes, after a delay, opened the door, holding the dismantled door lock in greasy fingers. I stepped through the door and breathed a sigh of relief. It was going to happen.

There was an advanced class going on, and I can’t say enough about what a good bunch of people they were. I strolled around the academy taking in all the pictures and trophies and messages of congratulations to Roger.

A guy called Johannes came up to me during a break from sparring and asked me if I wrote the blog “Martial Farts.” I wondered if he was going to headbutt me or laugh in my face but it turned out he kind of liked my blog. Now that was cool.

I also met Daren Bartlett, film maker, brown belt and all-round geezer, who I would love to spend more time with in future.

Roger arrived, fashionably, Brazilianly, world-championly late, and we did the interview.

Hard to get a picture of him not smiling!

I had some questions from the magazine staff, a couple of my own questions, and we just shot the shit. Roger is one of the friendliest most easy going people I have ever met. A real inspiration; someone who can be an incredibly talented fighter, a finisher, and still be kind and open and friendly.

I also met Roger’s mum, Reila Gracie, author of Carlos Gracie, Creator of a Dynasty. Just like Roger, she was friendly and generous, and gave me a small book of photos that had been given out during an exhibition about the book in Brazil. Some of those photos are very cool, and I will treasure the book.

Telling the white belts to practice their chokes on their family. No joke!

If you are in Japan, you can see it in an upcoming GONGKAKU. I hope that it will be at least a page, but it might get cut down to a little news item, who knows. If they send me a PDF I’ll put it up here. Curiously, I’m just as excited about the possibility of seeing one of my pictures in print as I am the article.

Would be cool if this pic was a two-pager with the text snaking around Roger. I can but dream!

I don’t want to say anything from the interview but I will say this: Roger’s main focus will be MMA, so look out for some great performances in Strikeforce. He’s also fighting Robert Drysdale in ADCC in September, which should be an exciting match.

After I got home from the interview, I translated it into Japanese with the help of my wife and sent it off. The pictures, too. It all arrived safely and the word from Japan is “good desu!”

Otsukare!